Heavier Things

Last week the Mr.’s Grandfather died.

But, it’s not as sad as you’d think. I’d never even met him, despite the fact that I’ve lived 2 hours away from him for the last 7 years. The Mr. and him were not close. The Grandpa didn’t send birthday cards. He didn’t even RSVP, let alone come, to our wedding. You get the picture.

In fact his Grandpa, it seems, was not close to anyone. The most commonly used word I heard to describe the Grandpa was “private.”

Maybe that makes it sadder?

Ever since we went up to Santa Barbara over the weekend for the very “intimate” (read: small) funeral and to clean out/pack up the Grandpa’s house, a lot of heavy stuff has been weighing on my mind. Much of it cannot really be summed up in blog post, hence my lack of posting.


(The funeral at Santa Barbara Cemetery)

But what the heck, I'll give it a shot....

There’s nothing like death to make you re-examine your life.

What do I want the sum of my life to be? What do I want people to say at my funeral? What will be my legacy?

Do I want to be remembered as someone who had an amazing career? Who worked hard, was a great manager, and lead an organization to great things? Or do I want to be remembered as an incredible Mother? Who put her kids first and raised amazing people? Can I do both?

Do I want to be someone who was a good friend to many? Or a best friend to a few?

Do I want to make lots of money so I can be generous with it? Or do I want to be generous with my time and make less money?

When my life is over what will be left? Scrapbooks, pictures, and blogs? A close-knit family? A collection of something? Nothing at all?

I’ll tell you what was left from the Grandpa’s life.

Vinyl records.



In every closet we opened, records. He collected boxes and boxes of vinyl records. In fact, I think the Mr. and I boxed up about 40 (yes 4-0!) boxes of vinyl records.

It was heavy (both literally and figuratively).



Most importantly, what do I want God say to me at the end of my life? And based on the life I’m living, what do I think he’ll say?

Sorry for the heavy nature of this post. The title should have warned you.