Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Heavier Things

Last week the Mr.’s Grandfather died.

But, it’s not as sad as you’d think. I’d never even met him, despite the fact that I’ve lived 2 hours away from him for the last 7 years. The Mr. and him were not close. The Grandpa didn’t send birthday cards. He didn’t even RSVP, let alone come, to our wedding. You get the picture.

In fact his Grandpa, it seems, was not close to anyone. The most commonly used word I heard to describe the Grandpa was “private.”

Maybe that makes it sadder?

Ever since we went up to Santa Barbara over the weekend for the very “intimate” (read: small) funeral and to clean out/pack up the Grandpa’s house, a lot of heavy stuff has been weighing on my mind. Much of it cannot really be summed up in blog post, hence my lack of posting.


(The funeral at Santa Barbara Cemetery)

But what the heck, I'll give it a shot....

There’s nothing like death to make you re-examine your life.

What do I want the sum of my life to be? What do I want people to say at my funeral? What will be my legacy?

Do I want to be remembered as someone who had an amazing career? Who worked hard, was a great manager, and lead an organization to great things? Or do I want to be remembered as an incredible Mother? Who put her kids first and raised amazing people? Can I do both?

Do I want to be someone who was a good friend to many? Or a best friend to a few?

Do I want to make lots of money so I can be generous with it? Or do I want to be generous with my time and make less money?

When my life is over what will be left? Scrapbooks, pictures, and blogs? A close-knit family? A collection of something? Nothing at all?

I’ll tell you what was left from the Grandpa’s life.

Vinyl records.



In every closet we opened, records. He collected boxes and boxes of vinyl records. In fact, I think the Mr. and I boxed up about 40 (yes 4-0!) boxes of vinyl records.

It was heavy (both literally and figuratively).



Most importantly, what do I want God say to me at the end of my life? And based on the life I’m living, what do I think he’ll say?

Sorry for the heavy nature of this post. The title should have warned you.

26 comments:

Mrs. Lukie said...

While it's a heavy topic, I do appreciate the reflection. I think it's important for all of us to stop and think about these things from time to time, as it is so easy to get caught up in the every day things, without thinking of the legacy we'd like to leave behind.

Jessica said...

I appreciate the topic because I have lost both grandma's unexpectedly in the last 8 months - plus, a 3rd with my hubby's grandma. I have been doing self reflection like this for some time now. The most important things aren't 'things.'

lawschoolwife said...

I've been thinking about that alot lately, "What do I want people to say about me at my funeral," because at this point, I know EXACTLY what I want out of my personal life, and I just do not know how a carer fits into that plan. It very possibly could, I'm just not sure that it's what I want. Or maybe I do? I don't know! I do know that family is far and away the most important thing to me, that as my family walks away from my funeral, that I have given them just that: a family to see them through.

I hope you find the answers and peace you are looking for :)

Aly @ Analyze This said...

While this was a heavy topic, I do thank you for the questions you've asked in this post. It is making me think about what I want to leave behind...

Katie said...

I think it is good to be heavy sometimes, it makes you put things in check

Kristyn said...

This is an extremely heavy topic, but something that many of us think about quite often. I have to agree it has been on my mind, and I don't think it's so much of a bad thing. I mean we all want to be remembered for something by anyone, right? Well, I hope you find your answers. I know this blog will spark many to think about theirs.

Linda said...

I agree. it's a heavy topic but not one you only want to think about at the end.
I remember those who have passed by how they touched my life. Not the things they left behind. I hope that when I pass, people smile and laugh about the memories I left them with. That's really all we'll have.

Heather Martin said...

This is a good post. I think its necessary to think about things like this at times. It shapes who you want to be as a person and where you want your life to go.

Kassie said...

This was a great post. I'm sorry to hear about the grandpa, but it sure does make you think of how you want to live you life, and so be remembered by those you leave behind. SOmetimes we move to fast, and need to stop and think about that.

Belle said...

Great post- While the death of your hubby's grandfather is not a good thing, it is great to re-examine our life and purpose frequently to make sure we are using the time we have here to the best of our abilites.

Red High Heels said...

I don't think you should apologize for putting deep thoughts on the blog. This is something that EVERYBODY needs to think about more(myself included). Sometimes it is so easy to just let each day pass you by without really living the way you want to be remembered. Thanks for the reminder!

Red High Heels said...

I don't think you should apologize for putting deep thoughts on the blog. This is something that EVERYBODY needs to think about more(myself included). Sometimes it is so easy to just let each day pass you by without really living the way you want to be remembered. Thanks for the reminder!

Lindsay said...

It's kind of ironic that you would do a post about this because my boyfriend and I were talking about this sort of thing just last week (nobody had died, but for some reason we got into a conversation about death and what happens after you're gone). I'm not sure how I want to be remembered, or what I want to be remembered for exactly, but I do know that I want to have made an impression on the people that I love. I would like my family and friends to have happy memories of me.

Sorry for getting a little heavy in my response, it's hard not to when you're discussing this sort of thing!

Brittany Ann said...

Wow. That is such a profound point. What will our life look like when others peer back from the vantage point of our funeral? I think if others looked at how they're living from that way more often, they'd really live for the moment, don't you? They'd want to be successful and happy and live without regrets!

Crazy Shenanigans said...

I'm sorry to hear of his passing. I thought about stuff like this last week and it was rough. I hope you figure out the answers to your questions. I think over time it just comes to us.

Patience said...

I actually just had this convo with Lenny a couple of weeks ago on the way home for a close friends dad's funeral. There were so many people there and we was loved by all. I hope when I am called to heaven that these same sweet words are spoken about me.

Lil' Woman said...

I think of those things myself sometimes, how I will be remembered and such.

Lil' Woman said...

I think of those things myself sometimes, how I will be remembered and such.

mrs.leah.maria said...

Wow. Those questions really stop you in your tracks. Great, great thoughts. If there's one thing I know, I don't want there to be much of me summarized by way of packing a box!

Manhattan Mommy said...

That really does make you think....

Cat said...

Good for you for stepping back and thinking. While it is a heavy, sometimes depressing, topic, it is an important one. I had a similar experience when a dear friend of the family passed away very suddenly. It makes you re-evaluate the way you live your life and spend time with loved ones.

In this wonderful life... said...

I hope you are doing good girl. Been thinking about ya!

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